Let me give you a piece of advice. Don’t get a dog. Just Don’t. Trust me.
Whenever I hear that someone is considering buying a puppy, everything in me screams, “NOOOOOOOO! Don’t do it! ”
Why you ask?
The past year has taught me that I am just NOT a dog person.
There is dog hair all over our house. It doesn’t matter how much I sweep, vacuum, and dust, it remains. It is particularly embarrassing when a guest finds a hair in their coffee cup or in the butter dish. Yuck.
Let’s not forget how she choses to greet our guests either. If you are under 3ft you will be knocked off your feet. She loves to kiss peoples faces. There is no stopping her. If you are over 3ft there is still a good chance you will end up on the floor . I am sorry. I know I am responsible for her behavior- I just don’t want to be.
I miss just picking up and leaving. Gone are the days where we can spontaneously go somewhere overnight. We have to beg our dog off on our friends, and we like our friends .
Then there is our neighbor and her constant guilt trip. She walks her dogs twice a day. Everyday. Even in the freezing rain or a snow blizzard. She is always there with her perfectly obedient dogs, with a smile on her face, staring at my house , making me feel like the dog poop all over my yard. Miley often mournfully looks out the window wishing the nice lady would adopt her.
When I actually have a rare moment of being a good dog owner and take her to the dog park, all the other dogs owners make me throw up in my mouth a little. FYI to all you dog people out there: Your dog is an animal. NOT a baby. I’ll stop there before I get hate mail.
Have I mentioned The Smell ? Oh the smell. Nothing masks it. Nothing. Not even a yankee candle. You bathe her and then my entire house smells like wet dog. It’s a lose lose.
Our dog is allergic to leaves. Leaves people! Which is a teeny tiny problem since we have 22 trees on our lot. Our pup is on a steady stream of antihistamines. Ridiculous. Also we don’t have a fence so I spend a lot of time pretending that she doesn’t go into our neighbors yard or play chicken on the road.
Finally we can sleep in on the weekends but instead of our kids waking us up early, we now have our very own dog alarm. Ignore her and you are risking her eating your favorite boots. True story.
Speaking of which, our dog has a gut of steel and a habit of eating whatever she finds her fancy. Whether it be the kitchen table, the wall, ballet shoes, socks, or my lunch she will and has eaten it.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t love our dog. I do. ALOT. And that is precisely the problem. She is 61 Lbs of loyal sweetness, and she causes absolute havoc in our home, but somehow through all the chaos we fell madly in love with her. Because of that she is here to stay despite my threats to post her for free on craigslist.
So listen to me, DON”T GET A DOG.
Or do. If you are a dog person.
But don’t say I didn’t warn you.