Clarifying “We Can’t Be Friends”

This week my post “We can’t be friends” spread like wildfire online.

It has raised more than a few critical eyebrows, so for what it is worth, please hear me out.  I want to clarify that my writings had little to do with the state of my home. Or your home for that matter.

It was a simple message, in a time in my life I needed to be heard:

I want to be Real. And I give you permission to be Real too. 

I was so overwhelmed from the comments and emails I received. Many of you could relate to the words written and were encouraged. You also took the time to encourage me back and I am beyond grateful. Truly. Thank you. 

However, I feel a heaviness in my heart that is hard to ignore . Why? Because my comment feed also tells a vicious and repeated tale, of how cruel we can be to each other.

Why ? Why are we so hard on one another ?

We love to dish out criticism and insults. We hide behind our computer screens and slander those whom we don’t even know. We pass judgment against the girl at the gym, the mom at the grocery store, and the woman who received the promotion we wanted. We read too much into each other’s intentions, and rarely into their hearts. We are brutal. It is sad. It makes my stomach turn. But it is true.

And then we wonder why it is hard to be vulnerable.

What would happen if we just took the time to hear each other out? To be less defensive and more encouraging? To trust each other’s intentions and let the little things ( that have no importance ) slide to the wayside. To be each other’s advocates.

Would we develop the kind of friendships we are all longing for? Real, Genuine, Long lasting friendships? Would we hurt less and allow room for healing?

We are capable of loving each other. We are capable of supporting each other.  Let’s stop tearing each other apart. A little empathy and understanding can go a long way. It could even change a person’s life. So if you take anything from “We can’t be friends “, take this:

Just Love

For the record I really don’t want you to fold my laundry. It would be nice, but that wasn’t the point of this post. Real friends love each other on the very best day and on the very worst day. I have my share of both.

True Friends Give Grace Abundantly

I need grace. Don’t you?

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99 thoughts on “Clarifying “We Can’t Be Friends”

  1. I only read the first few comments but there was a negative one in there. It doesn’t make any sense that peole are so rude for no good reason. It’s one thing to feel that way but to take the time and energy to write it out on a persons blog that you don’t even know is insane.

    • Danyell says:

      Thankyou for your article. I am sorry you received negative comments. I passed your article on and noted that I couldn’t have said it any better. We all search for real relationships. I appreciate you allowing yourself to be vulnerable and reaffirming that we all were created to desire real closeness with others. For the record…my closest friendship was built over piles of dishes and folding each other’s laundry. We didn’t pretend to be anything other then we were.

  2. Melissa Forgie says:

    I think you area fantastic writer true and to the point.. Thank you for sharing all your words of wisdom Love and truth:) Thank you for most of all sharing xo

    • Teri Kojetin says:

      Thanks for your post, Cari! I appreciate your honesty and desire to be real. Both posts had a good message. Love and Grace…so important!

  3. I loved your first post and I love this one. I got the point of the post and I totally agree. A true friend is someone you can be real with and that will love you no matter what. The world we be a much better place if we just showed more kindness, love and grace. Thank you for the reminder!

      • Vivace says:

        Keep up the good work you two. By the way, I enjoyed both articles, a lot. And if your article helped one mother, or father, to see others have the same concerns, which helps us understand one another better, then the mean people LOSE. I am actually convinced many people making negative comments simply did not read the article. How in the world do you take issue with someone speaking from the heart, in regards to personal circumstances?

  4. Beth. says:

    For the record, I loved your initial blog. I think we are far to judgmental on other moms. I am sorry you experienced such negativity. Keep up the good work.

  5. drmelissahopper says:

    I appreciate your honest vulnerability and agree that we all need more “real” relationships. I wish we could all stop apologizing for the state of our houses and open the door to authentic connections. Your real friends don’t care about the laundry they have to step over as they are welcomed into your home…they care about you 🙂 Well written…thanks for sharing.

    • Anonymous says:

      Your original blog is what prompted you to follow you because I could relate. I follow very few blogs and the negativity of the comments is often why. I believe that people that troll the internet and attack people are doing it because they are often miserable and want everyone else to often feel that way. Continue being yourself and allow us to see that we are not alone in our struggles to balance motherhood with the rest of our life.

      • Sarah says:

        I, too, follow only a handful of blogs of people I don’t know personally. After reading your blog about being a real friend, I read a few more of yours and love your attitude, your writing and your subject matter. If I read the comments at all, it is usually just a quick glance as the blogger is the reason I am following a blog, not the commenters. Thank you for letting us a little into your life.

      • I also started following your blog after two friends shared your “We Can’t Be Friends” post on Facebook. I one of those who is resistant to have people over because I feel like my house is too messy for anyone else to see it. Thank you for writing. Yes, let’s be real. Let’s stop being snarky and knocking each other down. Let’s love, live love, speak love, and remember that treating others as we would like to be treated goes a long way toward making this world a better place.

  6. Kailene says:

    My heart hurts for what you’re going through, but find joy in knowing that for every mom who is using this as opportunity to tear you down for what you’re doing – there’s likely hundreds of moms who will be encouraged by it and I hope they take a moment to encourage you in return.
    I did comment encouragement on the original post and even felt the need to come to your defense and reply to a negative comment or two…..I know I told you how my life (regarding the subject of the post) was changed when I read “No More Perfect Moms”……after reading and realizing I was guilty of hurting my friends and myself when I compared myself to them or competed with them. I decided one random Monday, on a whim, to post pictures of my house that morning. The living room was strewn with puzzle pieces, toys, shoes, laundry, etc…..The kitchen counters were cluttered and the sink was full of dishes…..The bathroom mirror and sink were splattered with toothpaste and the counter was dotted with water spots and puddles.
    My reasons for posting these pictures to both my Instagram and FB accounts were two-fold:
    1) I wanted to encourage other moms out there that they weren’t alone. They weren’t the only moms with messy houses. They weren’t the only ones feeling overwhelmed with the never-ending piles….no matter how hard we try to keep up…..some days all we can do is keep our head above water.
    2) I wanted to free myself from the need to try to convey an image of a perfectly put-together mom. I wanted to let my friends know that this is me…..and I was hoping to find out that they would love me anyway.

    I’d like to say that everyone applauded me, but it was not the case. MANY friends were relieved and told me how much it encouraged them to know that they are not alone. And, sadly, a few mocked my mess. Either it wasn’t messy enough for them or they accused me of staging the messes. And a few silent friends I’m pretty sure we’re disgusted by it, but that’s ok. At some points it saddened me and at others it encouraged me and also gave me a good laugh when I thought that some would actually accuse me of purposely making messes. Lol

    Anyway…..what I’m trying to say is…..No matter what you do, you’re going to have critics and naysayers. Take it with a grain of salt. When we try to better ourselves, there is always someone who wants to tear us down for their own benefit. You are giving life to so many moms who are worn out and tired of comparing and competing…..Focus on that. I’m saying a prayer for you today that your strength would be renewed as you endure the battle and fight to end the mommy wars. Blessings! 🙂

  7. your ‘we can’t be friends’ post was incredible. i am so happy to have read it, and to have discovered a like-minded writer to read during my morning coffee/sesame street break.

  8. Anonymous says:

    So sorry and sad you had to write this post in defense of the first — it was great! And so is this one. Keep up the good work, mama!

  9. your ‘we can’t be friends’ post was incredible. i am so happy to have read it, and to have discovered a like-minded writer to read during my morning coffee/sesame street break.

  10. Allenia Allen says:

    Cari, you never cease to be full of grace and mercy. Anyone who takes the time to read your blog would get a firsthand, birds eye view of the destination of your heart through the journey of your words. You so eloquently tell the movements of your heart in your words and the they are honest and pure. You are always an encouragement and inspiration, not because you try to be it just flows from the deepest parts of you. I have had the privilege of “knowing you” since 2006, what joy it has been. You have grown and changed, like a caterpillar to a butterfly over the last 8 years. I think that transformation has come at a great cost…you have had your fair share of ups and downs but you remain steady and constant. God bless you dear friend, and may you know that your words are salt and you enhance and add flavor to the lives of those who read your works. Lots of Love! Allenia

  11. Anonymous says:

    I read the first blog and absolutely LOVED it because I have that handful of friends who take me as I am! We shared it among each other with tags on facebook and it brightened our day! I equally love this one. I think it is sad that there are people who obviously do not have those types of friends in their lives and feel the need to be negative to others because of it. Who else would transform your message into a negative one? They are the ones we should pray for! God Bless You and keep the FABULOUS blogs coming!!!!

  12. Caroline says:

    I read the first blog and absolutely LOVED it because I have that handful of friends who take me as I am! We shared it among each other with tags on facebook and it brightened our day! I equally love this one. I think it is sad that there are people who obviously do not have those types of friends in their lives and feel the need to be negative to others because of it. Who else would transform your message into a negative one? They are the ones we should pray for! God Bless You and keep the FABULOUS blogs coming!!!!

  13. I couldn’t agree more! And, why does everyone have to debate these things it view your post as a personal attack? Seriously….everyone can have an opinion but we should be treating one another with kindness and respect! It goes back to your daughters post…. These mean girls, they are everywhere, at every age. Shame anyone who pulls another down, is disrespectful, demeaning and rude. I’m with ya girl and for the record, I’d help you fold your laundry (while I realize that wasn’t your intention of the post), clean your house or wash your floors 🙂 Friends help friends 🙂 let’s support on another! Isn’t life hard enough? Let’s set the example for our daughters!

  14. Kristen says:

    I thought both posts were great! As a new mom I quickly grow tired of the constant judgements from strangers as well as those close to me. I have decided to listen to everyone for there little nuggets of helpful information and recognize that their judgements are a reflection on them. At the end of the day I know if I focus on my child and try to keep us both happy we will be! Dust bunnies included:)

  15. fitmom27 says:

    Well said! Communication is such a struggle. It’s like there is a “re-direct” between what is spoken and what is received and the reaction to the final perception of the message depicts total misunderstanding. I call it “clogged funnels.” We tend to pour our message into a funnel, assuming it will make it to the other end and be received as it was originally added to the funnel, but somewhere in that funnel, there is a clog and the message gets tangled up in the clog. Only a portion of the message, which is now warped, gets received. Thanks for sharing. You said it very well!

  16. Melanie says:

    I also read and loved that post and then I ventured into the comments and I looked at my husband and said, “Ugh, I have got to stay out of the comments sections online.” When I am commenting on a blog, I always ask myself, “Would I say this to this person’s face?” If the answer is no then I don’t comment. I wish others would do the same. There is far too much negativity online and I think going forward, I’m just going to stick to the post itself.

  17. Heather K says:

    I’m sorry you’ve had do much negative feedback, but I hope this gets people thinking. Women need each other-it’s in out DNA. Thank you for allowing us to be real and speaking the message of love and grace. XOXO dear friend.

  18. Deanna Herrmann says:

    This post was just as beautiful as the first. I hope it spreads like wildfire too and that people hear the message.

  19. I’m mildly concerned by the all encompassing ‘we’ here. I don’t hide behind a computer screen and slag people off, I try very hard to be polite and patient with people who often don’t really deserve it.
    My theory is that the world operates at the level of small individual courtesies. Every day, every day wiothout fail, there are millions and millions and millions of times when we’re nice to each other. What do we remember? That sometimes people aren’t nice. Me, I tend to try to ignore those occasions, and wonder at the kindness of strangers.
    Dang, now it looks as if I’m hiding behind a computer screen and slagging you off….
    Of course I’m not. I just don’t agree with you, and that really isn’t a crime, or a way of being horrible.

    • There is a huge difference between expressing your opinion and ripping someone apart. The “we ” was generalized. I don’t have any issue with anybody expressing their opinion, as long as it done out of kindness and respect. 🙂

      • We’d be in the klart. I recently was made homeless, but now have a home. i moved in with, and i mean this literally, nothing but the clothes I stood up in, my laptop (I’d have given my clothes away before THAT left my grasp) and my mobile phone with about £2 of credit. That was it.
        I’m now operational again, basic but living, thanks to the kindness of friends, and the amazing generosity of people I had barely met, and in two cases had never met at all. They were still generous. I was pleased by this. Kindness of strangers. I’m a big believer in it. Yes there are some sh*** out there, but there’s a huge number of good people. Not good in the sense of saintly, good in the sense of humane. And human.

      • Thank you for your sweet story. It sheds light on the other side humanity, and literally gives me hope. I think your story will be so encouraging to others as well.

  20. negative people will leave negative comments. Feel sad for them for not having loving people like you in their lives, who accept them for who they are, and love them regardless of how their home looks, or how their kids are dressed, or whether they have worn yoga pants for 6 days in a row, and never even left the house.
    There was love and joy and class in your original post, and I will be back to read more.

  21. This happened to me once with a blog post. I had lots of positive feedback, but the negative, hateful remarks were also there, and inside it deeply troubled me, even though I tried to let it go. There are so many moms out there who are depressed and feeling so lost and overwhelmed. Mothers need encouragement and we need freedom to be honest with each other. Your post was just that. Honest and encouraging. Thank you for writing it.

  22. Anonymous says:

    I’m sorry you received any negative feedback about your initial post. Keep on doing what you are doing; being real! I think you and I would be friends. The laundry will always be there, but your kids will grow up and leave. It’s about focusing on the things that truly matter.

  23. Dan says:

    I would like to say, from a man’s perspective, how much I appreciate what you are saying. Some of my wifes relationships with other women seem like more work than they are worth. I hate seeing her stress out before people come over, or worse, worrying that someone may show up to our house unexpectedly, requiring her to have everything in order before she can relax.
    It’s a painful thing to see someone that you love struggling to meet those unspoken, unrealistic expectations, and it adds unnecessary stress to a marriage.
    I hope everyone who reads your post, along with the original one, can find some freedom through the truth you’ve presented. Good work!

    • Thank you Dan. Bring tears to my eyes knowing how much you love your wife and you see and understand her struggles. I’ve been in that place, and it is a hard and lonely spot. Thank you for your encouragement and keep loving her so sweetly.

  24. I cannot begin to understand how people could be negative about that post, and honestly I am holding myself back from reading the comments on that post, because I do not want to be angry. But I just cannot believe some people just find anything and everything to be angry with someone about. I am tired of people against people, what is the point? As you mentioned, we just need to love each other. Support each other. Why tear someone down for letting their opinion out, their emotions out. Some people can truly be so heartless, and that is utterly heartbreaking. I think you a beautiful soul, and I continue looking forward to your future posts.

  25. Kate leon says:

    You had me at just with the photo all on its own 🙂 I am glad you continued your post just to clarify, but for me and my friends unnecessary. It’s i think very common now it our world, where we text, email, ect… to have our intent lost. But I know both posts resonated with many mothers. I think I will take this as a friendly reminder of how to teach my kiddos manners in this tech savy day and age.

  26. Scott says:

    My house is always messy Cari and I love my wife because if it. My kids are happy because mum and dad spend time making their lives fun and not fretting about the mess. We can clean it up when they move out in 20 years time. Until then I don’t care and I don’t care what others think. Keep keeping it real.

  27. Allergy Mum says:

    I have no issue with anyone’s housekeeping. However, I have a child who is severely allergic to several foods. Each time I visit someone whose floors still have breakfast on them I actually put my child’s life in danger. I’ve never asked someone to clean so that we can visit – I take that responsibility on myself to supervise my child closely. It’s not my house to say what happens. However, in my house, only safe food are allowed. And I’ve lost many friends. Their attitude is “if we can’t bring our favourite foods to your house, we can’t be friends.” So the title to your previous post hurt me a lot. It’s too hard to find good friends in this world, and I’m starting to realise that the people who don’t bother to clean their floor if I’m coming over to visit might talk big about support and empathy, but they’re not really my friends. I enjoyed your posts, but they hurt me a lot. Maybe my point of view will widen your outlook a little, and if you ever meet someone who you think is really sweet, but who has an allergy child, you might make an exception for them.

    • My son is severely allergic to peanuts so I totally get where you are coming from . If I knew that I had a friend coming over with allergies I would be sure to do everything I could do to keep them safe. I am sorry you have been hurt by people not taking your concerns into consideration . Friends should understand those things . I am thankful that I do have friends that go above and beyond to make sure Caleb is always safe at their home . Hugs.

  28. Tell it like it is! I don’t make excuses anymore about my home. I just say “Hey my house is a mess, because a child lives here, and it’s filled with love”. It’s hard to keep up with little people. No matter how many times I fix that tent or encourage him to pick up his toys they get tossed everywhere.

    I understood the tone of your post and I applaud you for it. There is no need for there to be an excuse. This is life and we aren’t perfect!

  29. Kathi says:

    As a former clean freak I relate and enjoyed both posts. I have a chaotic playroom, laundry never put away as we replace piles with new piles daily, and my to do list is barely checked off a year later. My kids are happy and my home is lived in. I’m too tired to worry about judgement 🙂 Thanks for the read

  30. fancyfibersblog says:

    LOVE your attitude, girlfriend. People need to focus on things that are REALLY important, not a bunch of man-made societal “norms” that are ever-changing (who vacuums in a dress and pearls anymore?). And for anyone who had anything negative to say…. send them a link to this book: The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown. They NEED to read it. (http://www.amazon.com/Gifts-Imperfection-Think-Supposed-Embrace/dp/159285849X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1391835776&sr=1-1&keywords=brene+brown)

  31. Kristi says:

    I saw this post on my facebook from a Mom that is in my MOPS group. I loved it! Our theme for MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) is a Beautiful Mess your real life account totally hits home with all the mom’s I know. Thanks for sharing and remember you can’t change what others say or do just your reaction and if your blog above is any indication of your reaction then you should be very proud and know your above all that negativity. Your so full of love and grace just in your words, I wish you the best!

  32. Frankly, I could not have agreed with your first post, more. I tell almost everyone I meet, “If I have to clean for you, we will not be friends.” Yes, I have actually said that more times than I can count. So, I found your post funny, clever and just what I hope for in friends.

    As for the negativity, as a blogger and writer, I truly believe that we should all start with the same motto: Do No Harm. How hard is that? If you don’t like something, why not just move along? It’s fine to disagree, but it can be done respectfully and kindly. And if not, then move along. Why do some people feel the need to get mean? Rock on, Cari. It’s your blog, speak your own truth and don’t let the negative Nellie’s get you down. (Yes, I did just say negative Nelly) 😉

  33. So now I read the follow up to the “No we can’t be friends” article and it really is unbelievable what people comment on. I recognized my family in your article and was laughing and nodding. I wanted to point out and tell my best friend see thats us. I agree with you and I am sorry read that there are people out there who have the deep seated urge to critize EVERYTHING. Keep your head up and believe there are more moms out there that are with you than against you.I hope you have a great day and please DON’T let them discourage you! Love Sarah (mom of a 4yr old boy 😀 )

  34. Anonymous says:

    I feel you said, “If you clean your house for me, you’re fake, and stop it.” That’s what stung. I have ADHD. If my house is in utter chaos constantly, I Am Lost. I don’t know if I’m coming or going, I forget what I need for the day, I can’t function clearly. If you a tidy house fake, that is the rub. I am being genuine. I do not need you to clean your house for me. I will not judge you. Please do not judge me a neglectful mom bc i swept, wiped poop off of the toilet, and cleaned egg yolk off the counter for your arrival. Trust me if you weren’t coming, I’d’ve spent the time doing that anyways. I dislike being called fake for it.

  35. Karen says:

    I feel you said, “If you clean your house for me, you’re fake, and stop it.” That’s what stung. I have ADHD. If my house is in utter chaos constantly, I Am Lost. I don’t know if I’m coming or going, I forget what I need for the day, I can’t function clearly. If you a tidy house fake, that is the rub. I am being genuine. I do not need you to clean your house for me. I will not judge you. Please do not judge me a neglectful mom bc i swept, wiped poop off of the toilet, and cleaned egg yolk off the counter for your arrival. Trust me if you weren’t coming, I’d’ve spent the time doing that anyways. I dislike being called fake for it.

    • Andrea says:

      I don’t think she was calling anyone fake for having a tidy home. She was just saying she couldn’t do it, and didn’t want anyone else to force themselves to do it for her. To me it was completely relatable. And to the naturally tidy women out there – more power to ya. But to us cluttered messes, the ones that don’t like being cluttered but find ourselves there anyways, maybe we can relax for a bit, and we can all be okay/happy in our own homes, even invite people in. I thought it was lovely, and definitely not attacking anyone.

    • Elizabeth R says:

      As a fellow ADHD-er, I can relate to the messes getting out of hand the minute they pass the point of “slightly disheveled”. Chaos breeds chaos and it takes an act of God to get the multiple junk drawers cleaned out if they are allowed to get to the “junk” stage, lol. But I took the original message as, “IF you’re cleaning up FOR ME, stop, it is completely unnecessary. I will love you and be there for you, no matter how messy you perceive your home to be. I want to spend time with YOU and could care less about the state of your home.” This whole message is exactly the opposite of being called a fake. She’s saying to take care of yourself and not worry about her. She could give a fig about whether your home is clean or dirty, she’s only looking for time with the person, not the surroundings.

  36. Andrea says:

    My friends and I lived your original post. It was so very relatable for each of us, and even allowed us to have dialogue about the true state of our lives. You have no need to clarify, your first post was lovely and spot on for so very many is us.

  37. Cari, I have never met you. But I loved your first blog and now this one. I felt instantly connected to you. It’s unfortunate people can’t keep negative comments to themselves, especially when your point of view was clearly coming from a place of positivity and kindness. As I look around my “beautiful mess”, I thank you for sharing.

  38. Paige says:

    I don’t think you should have to clarify your first post. It was spot on, so real. As I was reading I kept thinking of my home and my life. The little things can wait, they aren’t going anywhere. Especially the laundry. But our kids grow up in what seems like a blink of an eye and I don’t want to miss a thing.
    Cudos to you!
    xoxo

  39. Jennifer says:

    Cari, Thank you for sharing. It is so good to know love is there for those of us who choose to embrace it. I may not ever meet you, but I know your heart is good. I choose to spend time with my three kids and loves ones over doing dishes or laundry whenever they are home. I can always buy new “things”. My kids and my friends are here for but a moment in time, which makes those the rarest and most precious gifts. When my kids are grown, I’m sure my home will be spotless but my heart will be quite a mess. Please continue with your path of being real. The fear that others have can make them say or do ugly things. We can forgive them and welcome them to share something kind or good that matters in their life. So happy to have come to your place. Have a lovely day! Hugs

    • Thank you for the beautiful message. Totally warmed my heart and my day! I agree with the “when they leave my house will be clean, but my heart will be a mess. ” I am already weepy thinking of that day! xoxo

  40. Carrie says:

    I’ve read the two blogs encompassed here and thought they were great. The title of the first came across as something meant to pop for me, an attention getter. I don’t feel you should have had to clarify yourself at all. It reached those who needed it, and was understood by those of us who didn’t but care about at least one person who does. I rarely, if ever, leave comments but I felt it especially necessary in this case. Because this…. Ladies: In reading both blogs and all the comments it stood out to me and I wondered had anyone else noticed and had the same first thought I did? In both blogs and in E-V-E-R-Y single reply to E-V-E-R-Y type of comment all I can see is compassion and caring. Someone says, “I don’t know you but it spoke to me and I love you.” Only to be met with, “I’m glad. I love you too.” Someone says, “This hurt me because….” Only to get, “I’m sorry. I empathize in this way. Forgive me.” Someone says, “I hate this. It’s mean.” And hears, “I’m sorry. Forgive me. I meant this….” And I struggle with the not knowing. Does the woman who hates because she can’t be so carefree see this? Does the woman who cries because someone finally seems to understand notice that someone else is publicly struggling right along side her? Does anyone notice that even though she has the ability to be ugly and hateful in response to ugly and hateful that she instead chooses to take the high road, apologize, ask for forgiveness and even try to make your day better by clarifying what may have hurt you? How many of us know women who do this for strangers? And more to the point, how many of us can honestly say we do? I see others coming to aid and defend and that’s commendable. But few have done so without also tearing down the actions and opinions of others. Did it hurt because you like to clean and they don’t seem to care? Or did it hurt because you’ve said, like me, “we can’t be friends” because of it? I’m not the author and I have few friends for a reason. So trust me when I tell you I don’t care what your motivation is for what ever side of the fence you’re on. What I DO care about is that someone out there sees this and notices it. And that even if no one else is strong enough to say it or wise enough to appreciate it, this author, Cari, knows someone was touched by it. Even if that someone was me, the one who rarely cares.

  41. You are right on the money with your clarification. Though of course, you shouldn’t have had to clarify in the first place. Everything should be done in love and I wish all parents saw parenthood as a community to cheer on, encourage and to discuss our differences with respect. I keep a pretty neat house about 90% of the time because I go a little crazy, (even without guests), if I don’t. But I don’t care if my friends do. I care if their children are loved and I’m glad they make time to share themselves with me. Thanks for making yourself vulnerable here. Your article meant so much to so many.

  42. Patricia - your sis! says:

    I love your blog!! It always puts things into perspective for me! I´m proud of your braveness in putting yourself out there and being real! love you!

  43. I love this post! We really should put more energy into encouraging one another and following the “If you can’t say something nice…” rule. This is especially true with the anonymity of the internet — there is no reason or excuse to be cruel to someone, internet stranger or not. Your house and children are lovely, by the way. 🙂

  44. Kat says:

    I was one of the negative comments, expressing my idea that it was a staged mess….sorry for that. I am definitely aware of the need for true friendships. You answered the negative comments in a positive way. I am an analytical thinker…always looking deeper…and the original post brought to mind times I was judged for keeping a clean home…or *shock* teaching my 3 kids to help clean. Again I apologize for jumping to conclusions that are not real. Some friends shared “We cannot be friends” on Facebook, and several commented how they do not like being in someone’s “clean” home…ok, that is the source of my frustration. I am one of those that tidy up before planned company, but I am no Mommy Dearest. In high school, friends commented on how clean my locker always was. I am no athlete, gourmet cook, and I cannot even sew on a button; cleaning and organizing just come naturally to me. Not showing off, not trying to impress. I get what you are saying….it should not even be an issue among friends.

  45. Anonymous says:

    Wow, you got negative responses? I posted your link on my page and made a joke that the photographer must have gone to the wrong house, but in all seriousness it was GREAT and just what I’ve taught myself since baby boy two came along in September 😀

  46. Mandi says:

    Kudos to you and your honesty. Your piece touched my soul at the right time. Just when I needed to hear another mom say she too doesn’t have it ALL together. I hope the good out weighs the bad. FYI You Rock! Keep your head up, buttercup.

  47. Deric says:

    I seem to be the only guy posting here, but my thought is that anyone who takes some sort of offense to the original post SHOULD read only the text on the page, i.e. you don’t want to be their friend.

  48. Sorry people have to be so mean, I’ve always hated this part of social media! Hiding behind a computer to say things outloud that don’t need saying. If you don’t like a post, move on, get on with your day, the need to belittle and be mean is so unnecessary. I would think if you need compassion and understanding to have someone visit , you would kindly need it here too! My kids are long grown up but i get it. ( my house is still messy )

  49. Mia says:

    I’m so sorry for the mean replies. I don’t get why people feel the need to pontificate so rudely behind their computer screens. Your post encouraged me. Thanks for being vulnerable!

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